


Still Stuck

by SofiAnA2004



Series: DEH and BMC Oneshots [8]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, First Kiss, Fluff, Inspired by Music, M/M, Rejection, Stuck - Darren Espanto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22055710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SofiAnA2004/pseuds/SofiAnA2004
Summary: Jared looks back on his friendship with Evan, wishing that they could have ended up together. Unfortunately, the universe doesn't like him enough to let that happen.
Relationships: (One-sided) Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen/Zoe Murphy
Series: DEH and BMC Oneshots [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1467997
Comments: 5
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Didn't think that I would write something so soon, huh? Well, guess who is back, bitches! I haven't written angst so I wanted to try something new.

Jared laid in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Around his room were reminders of his life, a life with Evan. He sighed, pushing himself to a sitting position. He caught sight of a potted plant. 

He walked over to it and picked it up. It was a five-year-old snake plant. It had been given to him as a reconciliation gift. On the terracotta, it was labeled  **Sorry** .

<->

> **Evan:** _ Hey, Jared, can you come to my house? I have something for you _
> 
> **Jared:** _ Yeah sure _
> 
> **Jared:** _ Now?  _
> 
> **Evan:** _ Please? Sorry, I am probably being annoying _

Jared walked up to Evan’s house. He rang the doorbell and waited a couple of seconds. Evan opened the door

“Jared! Hi, I didn't think that you would be here so fast.” Evan smiled, brightly.

“Yeah, well.” Jared said, sounding bored, “Look, can we get this over with? I know you don't really want to be friends, so I won't force you into spending time with me.”

“Oh,” Evan said, his smile dropped from his face, “Yeah, come in.”

Evan turned around, heading towards the kitchen. Jared came in but stayed in the foyer. Evan came back, carrying a pot with a small plant inside.

“I, um, I got you this. I know you think that I don't want to be your friend, but I actually really do. I just got caught up in the Connor Project. I know that is a shitty excuse, but it’s the truth. So, I wanted to say sorry, for everything.” Evan stared at Jared, apprehensively. 

Jared stared at him, “You actually want to be friends? You don't hate me or anything like that?”

“No, of course not,” Evan said frantically, “Why would I?”

Jared scoffed, “Because I was an asshole,” Jared looked down, “Why wouldn't you hate me?”

Evan stared at him sadly, “Yeah, I can't excuse you from what you did, but I messed up too. I think it's safe to say that we both fucked each other over.”

Jared nodded, “Yeah, we did. So, what now?”

“Can we be friends? Real friends this time?” Evan asked, holding out the plant.

“Yeah, I would like that.” Jared smiled and took the pot from Evan.

<->

Jared sighed and placed the pot back down on the nightstand. That had been the start of a much better friendship, going past college. Sure, they had been friends when they were young, but did that really count? Jared didn't think so.

Jared looked around his room, his eye caught a small rocket. He chuckled, wasn't that just a perfect example of their childhood friendship? 

<->

“Jared! Look what my dad got me!” Evan cried, carrying the rocket in his hands. He ran to his backyard where Jared was.

“Woah! When did you get that? It’s so cool!” Jared exclaimed, trying to grab it from Evan.

“No, you can't hold it. It's special, only I can hold it.” Evan shielded the rocket using his body.

“But aren't you supposed to play with it?” Jared asked.

“Most of them, yeah, but this one isn't a toy. My dad told me that. We can play with something else.”

Jared pouted, then brightened up, “Why don't you put it in the dirt? We can be the astronauts that came from the ship. Look there is an alien.” Jared pointed to Evan’s dog that was laying on the deck.

“Yeah, let's do that!” Evan hurriedly put the rocket down, being careful.

The two of them spent the rest of the day playing with Evan’s dog, pretending that he was a foreign alien.

<->

Jared grinned, that had been a good day. Not long after Evan’s dad had left his family to go to Chicago.

But his smile slipped away from his face when he saw a small slip of paper on his desk. The instigator of a terrible time, that he was still in the middle of.

<->

Jared and Evan walked out of the movie theater. It was ten and it was starting to drizzle.

“Shit, I walked here,” Evan said, looking up at the sky. 

Jared laughed, “That sucks, would hate to be you.”

Evan pouted, “Jared, that's not nice. Can’t you give me a ride?”

“I can, but I can't.”

“What. What does that mean?”

“It means that I took the subway,” Jared said.

“Ugh, the subway passes my apartment by three blocks. And when I get there, I'm sure that the rain will be worse,” Evan groaned.

Jared kept his smile on his face, even as his heart did flips at that sound. “You could come to my house and just stay over.”

“You wouldn't mind? Don't you have work early in the morning?” Evan asked.

“Yeah, but it’ll be fine. I can deal with it. Besides, we wouldn't go to bed  _ that  _ late.” Jared waved his concerns away.

“Alright,” Evan shrugged, “It's your funeral.”

“Exactly, now you got it.”

The two walked to the nearby subway entrance. It started coming down harder, getting the young men wet.

As they entered the subway, Jared took off his jacket, handing it to Evan, “Here.”

Evan took it, “What is this for?”

“You are always cold, so take it. You need it.” Jared explained.

“What about you? Won't you be cold?” Evan asked.

“I run hot, I'll be fine. It's just four stops.” Jared shrugged before walked through the gates.

When he got down to the station, he noticed that Evan was suspiciously quiet. Looking back at him, he saw that he was wearing his jacket. Evan’s face had a look of happiness.

“What’s that look for?”

“Nothing, just… thank you,” Evan shrugged.

Jared stared at the younger man. He was standing there, looking as beautiful as always. His face was lit up with happiness and he was staring at Jared with a soft smile on his face. He stepped closer and opened his mouth.

Jared rushed forward, taking Evan’s face in his hands. He kissed him hard, pouring his love into the kiss. But he felt Evan’s hands at his chest pushing. He pulled away, lushing Evan back. He stumbled, staring at Evan. 

Evan was looking back at him, horrified, “Jared..?”

“I, I,” Jared’s eyes looked back and forth across the subway platform. He stood there petrified, but one step from Evan made him move. “I'm sorry.”

He ran away, not looking back, afraid of what he would see. Afraid of the rejection that he  _ knew _ would come. Because Evan was dating Zoe. He was happy. But Jared messed that up.

<->

Jared frowned, that was the start of a very confusing time. He didn't talk to Evan for three weeks. He had been scared to face him or Zoe. The first person he had seen had been Zoe. 

The reaction he got was a slap in the face. Then silence. Zoe refused to speak to him for months afterward. Evan had forgiven him and they had had a long talk, in which Jared promised that he was over Evan.

He looked right next to it to see an unassuming card. It was lying facedown on his desk, but Jared knew every word that was inside of it. Evan had given it to him two months ago. It was a wedding invitation for his wedding to Zoe Murphy.

<->

“Hey, Jared?”

“Hmm?” Jared hummed from his sitting position on the floor. They were at Evan’s small apartment and were just hanging out. It was a year after the incident.

“I have something for you.”

At that, Jared looked up from his phone. Evan was sitting on the couch looking extremely nervous.

“It's my wedding invitation. I want you to be the first to receive it, after our parents obviously.” Evan picked up a card that was right next to him, “I want you to come.”

Jared looked at him. Evan was sitting on his couch, looking just as young and as handsome as he had in high school, but with a slight beard coming on. He was wearing a green sweater that fit him  _ very well _ . He looked nervous, biting his lip and his other hand tapping his leg.

“Are you sure? You want me there?” Jared asked, pensively, “Zoe’s okay with it? Even after  _ everything _ ?”

Evan set down his hand, “Well, I wanted you to be my best man. But I felt like that was pushing it too much. Zoe is, well she’s okay with you coming. Even after everything.” He held out the card again.

Jared stared at it for a second, then took it. He opened it up. Inside in fancy writing was the simple invitation, with a number to RSVP. He looked up at Evan.

“When you RSVP, you will get a link with more in-depth details. We didn't want to overload the card.”

“Right, right, of course.” Jared looked back down, “I should probably go. I have work starting soon.”

Evan blinked, “Oh, ok. Let me walk you out.”

Jared was silent until he stepped out, “Bye, Evan.”

“Bye, Jared.”

<->

Jared sniffed, feeling his eyes start to tear up. God, he hated feeling so weak. He still hadn't RSVP’d. He knew that Evan wanted to know why. He could see the question every single time since he had received the invitation.

But he knew that he wasn't going to go. He couldn't. It would just hurt too much. Seeing Evan up there at the altar with Zoe. Looking happy as hell, no regrets in the decision. Jared couldn't see that.

He sat down on his bed. When did it become so complicated? Probably when he lied, saying he was over Evan. He knew that it would be a long time before he was. Until then he would be stuck on Evan. Still stuck on him since high school. 

He laid back down, staring back up at his ceiling. He should just get rid of the card. But he never would. It would just stay in his room along with his other mementos of Evan.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But he had seen Evan’s face. He was pouting slightly and his eyes were large. He was silently begging Jared to come because it meant that much to him. 
> 
> So, TL;DR Jared was going to that wedding. 

Jared opened up the door to Evan. It was earlier than he expected. 

“Hi, Evan. You’re early.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry,” Evan stepped inside, “But I wanted to ask you about something.”

“Ok, shoot.” Jared closed the door and locked it. 

“I want to know why you haven't RSVP’d to my wedding yet!” Evan said quickly. 

“You- What?” Jared fumbled over his words, turning back to meet Evan’s gaze. He didn't want to tell him the real reason why.

“I want to know why you-”

“Yeah, I heard you. I guess I just wasn't expecting that.” Jared said. He started to walk to his living room.

“Wha- Are you going to answer?” Evan asked, following behind him.

Jared sighed, “I can. It's just really obvious.”

“Hey, I don't think that it is obvious.”

Jared looked back at him, “I can see that. Ok, well to put it simply, I don't feel like I am invited.”

Evan tilted his head, “...But, I gave you the invitation. Personally.”

“Yeah, you did. I haven't heard one thing from Zoe about this. I don't think that I would be welcomed.” Jared said, hoping Evan would take the excuse.

“Oh, I see. So if Zoe tells you that it is ok for you to come, you will.” Evan looked at him hopefully.

Jared’s eyes widened, he was panicking slightly. He really didn't want to go and see Evan and Zoe get married. But he also didn't want to hurt Evan. He had told him that he was over him. If Evan knew otherwise, how would it affect their friendship? He had had to work hard to fix everything after… the incident. 

But then he looked at Evan. At twenty-six years old, he had grown a lot. He became more confident, at least with his friends. But what really struck Jared as the biggest change was how happy he had been as of late and for good reason. He was done with college and a good job with steady pay. He was engaged to his high-school sweetheart.

But right now Evan was pleading with Jared, using his eyes and mouth. Jared had no chance.

“I-, yes?”

Evan smiled brightly, “Great, so it's all set then. Zoe tells you, then you RSVP, and then I get married.”

Jared gave a strained smile, “Yep, exactly.” 

Evan was chattering on and on, about small details about his wedding. Jared looked down, wishing he didn't say yes. But he had seen Evan’s face. He was pouting slightly and his eyes were large. He was silently begging Jared to come because it meant that much to him. 

So, TL;DR Jared was going to that wedding. 

<->

It was time for the wedding. 

Jared pulled into a parking space. He was wearing his nicest suit and actually wore a tie. He hoped he didn't look too bad. 

Looking up at the building, he saw people milling about outside the building. Jared sighed and decided to face the storm. He got out of his car, locked it and headed to the entrance. Inside were a lot more people. It was just two rooms, one a foyer and the other was the room with the altar. The reception was being held at another place. 

Jared looked around for a familiar face. He saw Alana from high school. Well, it was one person. He didn't recognize anyone else, aside from Heidi and the Murphy’s (But he wasn't interested in them).

“Hey, Alana.” Jared waved.

“Oh, hi, Jared.” Alana returned his wave and walked over, “I'm so glad that you are here. I don't know the other bridesmaids. Or anyone here to be honest.”

Jared chuckled, “I only know the parents that’s it. Evan has never really introduced me to any of the groomsmen.”

Alana frowned at that, “But aren't you the best man, or a groomsman?”

Jared winced, “No, I, uh, something happened. I don't think Zoe would be very happy if I was a groomsman. At least that's what Evan told me.”

Alana pursed her lips but didn't ask the obvious question, “Ok, well, have you still kept in touch with the two of them? It's been a couple of months since I last saw Zoe and, if I wasn't a bridesmaid, it would have been longer.”

“Oh, yeah. Evan and I live about twenty minutes apart. I think Zoe is another twenty minutes from his house.” Jared said, “Do you know what time it is? I don't want to go get a seat too late.”

“Oh, right!” Alana let out a small laugh, “Let’s see, it is 11:45 and the procession starts at 12:15.”

Jared nodded at that, “Ok, thanks. I should probably head in and see where I should sit. Also, catch up with Heidi.”

“Ok, don't let me keep you. I'll see you after, Jared.”

Jared nodded again and headed into the other room. Looking around the room, he saw Heidi talking with the Murphy’s. Taking another look around, he realized that he didn't notice anyone else recognizable. A lot of different people filled the corners and chairs. His jaw clenched at that realization. 

Shaking his head, he walked over to Heidi. He had to stop thinking too hard about random facts like that.

“Hi, Heidi. Mr. and Mrs. Murphy.” Jared smiled at the three older people as he approached them.

“Jared! Oh, how nice it is to see you again.” Heidi gushed over him, “You haven't been back to visit your parents recently, so I haven't seen you.”

Jared laughed, rubbing the back of his neck, “Yeah, well, things are a bit tense right now. But we will fix it.”

“Jared. Haven't seen you since the high school graduation.” Mr. Murphy said.

Jared blinked at that, “Huh, I am pretty sure that Zoe and I graduated from the same college and same year. But who knows. I know that Evan and I graduated the same year.” He shrugged, nonplussed. 

Mrs. Murphy smiled, her eyes tight, “Yes, well.”

Heidi laughed, “Wow, college was a long time ago. It feels like only yesterday that you and Evan were playing in the backyard. Just you and your imaginations.”

Jared laughed, “Yeah, us and a rocket that Evan got. In fact, I still have that.”

Heidi smiled, “That thing must be-”

“Sorry Heidi, but I think that Cynthia and I are going to sit down now,” Mr. Murphy cut in.

“Oh, that's a good idea.” She turned to Jared, “We have to catch up at the reception, do you know what table you are at?”

“Um, no? But don't worry, I am sure that I will be able to find you.” Jared gave a small wave as Heidi excused herself.

He turned around to go sit in the back of the room. But his heart leaped to his throat as he approached the back. Sitting on a table was a sort of memorial to Evan and Zoe. It had some pictures and mementos from their personal memories with each other. 

In the center was a movie stub, a very familiar movie stub. It was the ticket to the movie where afterward Jared had kissed Evan. Looking around, he tapped someone’s shoulder.

“I'm sorry, this may be weird. But that ticket in the center, can you tell what that is?” Jared asked.

“Oh, yeah sure,” The girl turned around, “Basically, Evan took Zoe to go see that movie after this big fight they had. Something about how he wanted to make a new and better memory with her.” She shrugged. “Zoe liked it.”

“Oh,” Jared said, softly. His throat felt like it was burning, “Uh, thanks.”

“Yeah no problem,” The girl turned back to face the altar.

Jared felt tears prick his eyes and he quickly hurried out of the room. Outside the procession was lined up, waiting for Evan to show up at the altar. Jared hurried past them, not wanting to face Alana. Once he exited the building, he ran to his car. At this point, tears were starting to fall down his face. 

He climbed into the driver’s seat and shut the door. A sob fell from his lips as he laid his head on the steering wheel. The dam broke forth as tears stream and his body was shaken with sobs. 

How could he? That memory that Jared held so near and dear to his heart, even if it hurt. Evan just replaced it? Replaced him? Jared wished that he had never asked about the ticket. He could have shouldered through everything, but now that was impossible.

Jared gasped for breath and sat up. He rubbed at his face trying to clear the tears. Wiping away everything, he leaned forward and put the key in the ignition. He started the car and pulled out of the parking spot. 

“Fuck you, Evan,” He mumbled under his breath as he drove away, back to his hotel. He was lucky that he hadn't chosen the one that Evan had recommended, it had been too expensive. 

<->

> **Alana:** _Jared? Where are you going?_ (11:52)
> 
> **Alana:** _Are you ok? I saw that you were crying…_ (11:52)
> 
> **Alana:** _Evan is at the altar_ (11:52)
> 
> **Alana:** _Is everything ok?_ (11:53)
> 
> **Alana:** _Evan doesn't look happy and I think that it is cause you aren't here_ (11:54)
> 
> **Alana:** _Please come back_ (11:57)
> 
> **Alana:** _I know that you don't want to ruin this day_ (12:01)

<->

> **Ev:** _Jare?_ (13:21)
> 
> **Ev:** _Alana told me that you left early_ (13:21)
> 
> **Ev:** _Did something happen?_ (13:22)
> 
> **Ev:** _Something with your parents?_ (13:22)
> 
> **Ev:** _I wish that you were here. Will you come back?_ (13:23)
> 
> **Ev:** _You should have told a speech. I know that I would have loved it. You would_ _have just the right amount of jokes. I love Alec, but he isn't very good._ (13:24)
> 
> **Ev:** _You should have been the best man, in case that’s what this is about._ (13:26)
> 
> **Ev:** _See you in three weeks…_ (17:35)

<->

Jared was laying down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. His mind was void of any thoughts. At some points, he heard texts come to his phone, but he ignored them, not bothering to pick up his phone. 

One more text rolled in, this time not followed by a series of others. He pushed himself up and finally picked up his phone. 

As he scrolled past the many messages, he noticed the very last one. It had been sent by Evan, leaving a simple message. 

He sighed, judging by how late it had been sent, Jared had seemed to ruin Evan’s night. He knew that there would be a lot of explaining to do when Evan came back, but right now he didn’t want to think about him. 

Jared did feel bad about just running out of the wedding, but what was he supposed to do? Just sit there and pretend that everything was fine? That his heart hadn't shattered over what Evan had done? 

He also felt terrible about the fact that Evan had no idea why he had run away. And knowing Evan his mind was searching the corners of his brain to figure out why he had done that, and he wouldn't know the answer. Or not. He is on his honeymoon.

Jared sighed and rolled back onto the bed, not ready to face the day. He did have another night in the hotel.

<->

Evan laughed at Zoe’s joke. He couldn't believe that he was here right now, with his _wife_ , Zoe, on their honeymoon. It had been a rollercoaster of a ride to get here, but it was all worth it in the end.

“What’s on your mind?”

Evan turned to Zoe at the question, he smiled wistfully, “Nothing much really. I'm just thinking about how lucky I am that we are here. Together. If you had told me that this would have happened when we were still in high school, I wouldn't have believed you.”

Zoe smiled and leaned over, “I love you,” She said, kissing him.

“Love you, too.”

There was a buzz in his pocket and he pulled away. “I should check that. I told most people not to contact me first unless it was an emergency.”

“Well, maybe after you come back, I should make it so that you can't answer,” Zoe said mischievously, her eyes sparkling.

Evan choked as he left the room, his face exploding into a furious blush. Zoe’s laugh followed him as he walked into the small bathroom.

He pulled out his phone and was met with a single text. He frowned and checked the contact. It had come from Jared. His eyebrows pulled together as he chewed his lip. After a couple of seconds of deliberation, he opened up the message. 

> **Jared:** _Hi, Evan. I know that you are looking for an explanation as to why I left your wedding early-_

Evan frowned. Jared had actually come to the wedding? He thought that he had just blown it off. Why did he leave so early?

> _Well, maybe you aren't. You are on your honeymoon after all. Haha. But the reason I left is because it hurt. I felt and still feel like you are replacing me.-_

Replacing him? What gave him that idea? 

> _And I know that you have no idea what I am talking about. But it's about when you took Zoe to that one movie. You know… The one where after I kissed you.-_

Evan’s eyes widened. That’s why he was feeling replaced? He immediately wanted to clear the air, but he forced himself to stop and read the rest of the text.

> _I know that that wasn't your intention. At least I hope not, but that's what I got. And another reason it hurts so much is because…_

Evan stared at the screen. He could see that Jared was typing and retyping something. Almost as if he was nervous. But Jared was never a person to allow himself to appear nervous. He claimed it was because he never was. But Evan thought that it was because of him.

When the next text came in, Evan’s eyes widened. He choked and instinctively threw his phone away from him. It landed against the wall with a bang. Evan stared at it. At a knock at the door, he flinched and blushed as if he was about to get caught doing something he shouldn't have. 

“Evan? Is everything ok? I heard a bang.” Zoe’s concerned voice called to him.

“Huh, oh, um, yeah. I- Everything is fine.” Evan scrambled to say something. “I just dropped my phone.”

He opened the door. Zoe took in his appearance and frowned, “What was the text about?”

“Oh, um,” Evan fished for something, “It was just Jared. He was apologizing for the fact that he couldn't come. Apparently something came up in his family and he couldn't make it.”

“Oh, no. Is his family ok?”

“I think so. He didn't give any details.” 

“Alright, well, I was going to make some lunch. Want to come with me?” Zoe offered.

“Yeah, some food sounds good.” Evan smiled.

As they were headed to the mini kitchen Evan’s phone lit up with another text.

> **Jared:** _I still love you_
> 
> **Jared:** _I'm sorry, Evan._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sorry. I just wanted to add some more of Jared suffering. I'm in that type of mood, y' know?
> 
> All comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. I do read all of them, even if I dont respond.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel bad for Jared, and I kinda wanna write a second chapter to expand on this. Let me know if that's something you would read or want.
> 
> Kudos, comments, and bookmarks are always greatly appreciated. It lets me know if my writing is actually wanted.


End file.
